Upon doing a peer editing session in class today on April 7th, I received, thankfully the feedback that I am headed in the right direction. Those who looked at my paper said that they liked the structure I have set up, and that I do a good job weaving the background story together with the picture’s details itself. They also liked some of the specific observations I made, such as how the doctor is sitting shows it is the “calm after the storm.”
One thing that they noticed, and that I need to change, is the way that I word some things. To be exact they say it is “funky” sometimes. For example, “As a doctor in Poland, a country that believed heart transplantation to be impossible, he was against the majority in deciding to try the transplant once given the okay in August of 1987.” I think that to reword this would be a good idea because it will make it sound more clear and thus highlight my point in a better way. I may change it to say, “Rigela is a doctor in Poland, where the majority of people believed a heart transplant to be impossible. Once he was given the “go ahead” for the surgery in August of 1987, he had many skeptics.” Another example is when I worded something strangely so it made the doctor seem like the surgery was successful because he was a smoker, but I fixed that immediately!
I plan to read through to make sure everything sounds more smooth before submitting a final copy!